There are the watershed moments of grief that one expects and then there are those that catch you off guard.
It is an afternoon like so many others. Kenan and I are driving through downtown during lunch hour. We are detoured by road construction from our regular route to pick up Tamsen from school. While stopped at a red light, my eyes skim over the busy cityscape then lock in on a young man waiting on the corner. He is twenty something, attractive, well dressed, with dusty blonde hair. A car pulls up beside him. He smiles and embraces the woman getting out. My mind immediately races into the future - a future for Kenan that will never be. Before me is a mirage of potential and possibility shifting in the sunlight trying to take shape. There will be no culmination of collected moments to answer my questions: What will HE look like? Who will HE be? For a few seconds more I linger on the young man at the corner until the green lights snaps me back into the intersection. I look at Kenan in the rear view mirror. He is awake now in his car seat. No one wants a parent to project onto him what he isn’t and can never be, least of all Kenan.