Follow Kenan's Story by Email

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I’m Not a Singer, But I Am a Mom Who Sings

Tamsen recording her track.
We wrote and recorded a song for Kenan, a tribute, not only to him but also to big sister, Tamsen. After all, so much of why we had Kenan was for her. There is nothing like the sibling bond, that special connection that gives perspective and witness to everything that is our upbringing. Tamsen was three when Kenan was diagnosed with Krabbe Leukodystrophy. Although she has the memory of an elephant, there is no way to know what she will ultimately retain from her time with her brother. You wish you could bestow on her the concept of “relishing these moments”, but that sense is underdeveloped still and you do not want to create a void where there need not be one. Tamsen simply “is” with Kenan and that is the beauty she brings to our dynamic. The song and her contribution to it will remain as testimony to their mutual affection and love. In time, she will also understand the way she helped me. That I could give them both this gift is monumental.

Kenan's rattle toy was played as percussion.
On two separate occasions, validation was given to me: One afternoon, when Tamsen and I were singing his song, Kenan had a break through moment in his abilities and was able to make his laugh sound for us. Similarly, just this past week, as I was playing the recording for him, Kenan tried to sing. He opened his mouth and made sounds I had never heard before. These are the ultimate moments, when the exchange of gifts between parent and child change who you are.

I want to take a moment to thank our music therapist, Rachel Epley. Occasionally, someone enters your life and you know everything that led up to this point brought you two together. Without her, “Kenan” would not be. Thank you also to our sound engineer, Victor Sanders of Lakeside Media, who donated his studio, time, and artistic insight.

Lyrics and Melody: Natasha Spencer
Vocals: Natasha Spencer, Tamsen Witczak, Rachel Epley
Music: Rachel Epley, Music Therapist, Horizon Hospice and Palliative Care
Sound Engineer: Victor Sanders, Lakeside Media

Kenan lyrics

Asking too much of the words
Cause I’m missing my tune
All I really want to do
Is say “I love you”
Kenan, Kenan

Feeling backed up in a corner
Stuck on warped speed
I’m going to get us out
Fight, kick and scream for you
Kenan, Kenan

Your ten little fingers
Ten perfect toes
Not enough to take us
Where we thought we’d always go
Kenan, Kenan

This is too much
It’s not enough

Your sister marches in
Drops to her knees
Looking for that special spot
To kiss and squeeze
Kenan, Kenan

I open up the window
Looking for a breeze
She’s got you head-to-toe in stickers
Like flowers in the spring
Kenan, Kenan

Your sister takes me away from you
Then leads me right back to you again
It’s in the simple way she loves you

This is too much
It’s not enough

This is too much
It’s not enough

Kisses, Kisses
Kenan, Kenan

We love you
Kenan, Kenan

Our Keenster
Little Keenster

My Keeny, Zuchini
Our Little Monkey

Our little boy
My Little boy


  1. it's more than a song and tribute...... it is a piece of history as are Kenan and Tamsen, Natasha and Dann.